Sunday, 28 April 2013

Entry 3

Entry 3

Recognising aptitude in a certain area of study can be mistaken for arrogance. To avoid this, use of overt modesty is advisable.

Dear Internet,

Self-explaintory really. Even just saying, "Oh here, let me do that. I'm good at it" can be seen as over-confidence, which I think is silly. I mean, if you're better at something than average and you enjoy it, why shouldn't you be able to say, "Yes, I can do that and I can that well"? I don't know, it might just be a British thing and nothing to do with autism at all.

This is one of those things that I was told about straight after doing it. I vividly remember being in Year 7 or 8 and overhearing people talking about how arrogant I was for answering all the questions posed to us in Maths and putting myself forward for doing the Maths Challenge. I enjoyed it and was incredibly good at it and I was genuinely shocked that other people were bothered by lack of humility. Now-a-days I just feel ashamed if I point out my skills and I don't think that's right. We should all be allowed to be proud of things that we're good at.

From Sarah.

Thursday, 18 April 2013

Dear Internet,

I really need somewhere to vent and this is as good a place as any. My ID has just been rejected and I'm feeling all meltdown-y and I can't stop crying and shaking at the sheer injustice of it. I am the oldest in my friendship group and that is including some who look about twelve. Yet I am the only one to have my ID rejected and questioned on a regular basis.

What is it about me? The guy at the bar (a right snappy bastard, by the by) said that it's "company policy" to reject citizenship cards, despite the fact the ID is offical and Home-Office approved. What a load of utter bullshit. I'm so angry and it took me all of my strength to get all the way home without bursting into tears in front of my friends. Not only is it horrible for me, but for two of them it was meant to be their birthday drinks and I bloody ruined it for them and now I feel so awful. It was so embarrassing. I've been to that pub twice before and never had my ID been rejected.

I could feel a meltdown coming on all day and now it's finally here and I just hate it. I feel like utter shit and I can't do anything about it and my mum's out so I don't have anyone to talk to and I just feel like such I life failure.

Again.

From Sarah.

Wednesday, 17 April 2013

Dear Internet,

I had one of the most terrifying dreams last night. I was in some sort of classroom. It looked a bit like seminar 2 at school, but it was kind of distorted (as are most things in dreams, Sarah, you dozy eejit). For some reason my teacher told the entire sixth form, who had all by some miracle managed to fit into that tiny room, that I had Asperger's. They then all took it in turns to hug me and offer their condolences. And the scary thing was not that they seemed to think that AS is a fatal condition, but that they were all hugging me. That, I do not like. And then I had a meltdown in my dream.

You know, I think that overshadows the recurring nightmare I used to have when I was little about a gnarled tree on an island in the lake. It had dead dogs hanging from their tails from the branches and the crocodiles would jump out of the water and tear the flesh from their bones. Once they were finished then they would try and eat me. I must have only been about six or seven, perhaps younger.

Does it surprise you that my imaginary friend threw himself off a bridge when I was four?

From Sarah.

Sunday, 14 April 2013

Entry 2

Entry 2

The phrase, "I wouldn't feed that to my dog" is not used exclusively by dog owners. It is simply a reference to a low standard of food.

Dear Internet,

Ah, one of my many humiliating misunderstandings. It always feels like such a blessing to be part of the human race when making a mistaking an idiom for a truth is the cause for hysterical laughter and teasing /sarcasm/. I am not stupid. I think logically. Yes, that means that sometimes I misinterpret your meaning when you use an obscure phrase or idiom. No, that does not mean that you can mock me. I get that it can be slightly amusing and you might not be able to help laughing a little, but please just let it go. Believe it or not, I too have feelings and they are hurt when you laugh at me. It's humiliating enough as it is.

From Sarah.